You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
