Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
