My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
