So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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