I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
