PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
