you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
