and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
