We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
