told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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