i just made my gag reflex go away.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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