i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
