Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just threw up on my dentist
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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