I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
