No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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