I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
