While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
