carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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