i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
