guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
