I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
