i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
