she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
