I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
