The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
