I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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