And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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