Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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