You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
