i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
