my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
