its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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