My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
