i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Acid is not a monday night drug
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
