What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i think i have herpe
just one?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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