we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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