u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
foreskin is a definite game changer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
