It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
