Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
