i wish my penis had a tongue
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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