his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
