do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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