TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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