The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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