i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
