I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
