I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
