the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
