Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
