Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
