A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
