when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
