bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
