if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
