Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
