seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
