would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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