He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
