whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
