anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
